I was stuck - but then what?

When it comes to my friends and others, I root for them genuinely because I truly believe they can achieve whatever they set their mind to. I support them as much as I can, show excitement, and am filled with so much joy when they get to chase their dreams.

But why am I the opposite when it comes to myself? I have dreams and aspirations too, but I do not fully believe that I can achieve them. For many months, I was unhappy about my new life on the West coast. It took me 10 months to land my first full-time job out of college, so I should be content that I finally got one, right? The people on the West coast are great, the food is amazing, and the change of pace is definitely more relaxing than that of New York's. It took me a little by surprise, but I was miserable because I saw all my friends achieving great milestones and I was just stuck in the same place. Work, eat, and sleep. Repeat. Never really moving forward professionally or personally. I felt like I was running on a treadmill, never really going anywhere. (This is a funny analogy because I really hate cardio, especially running.) I was upset, but the universe didn’t seem to care and it kept spinning without me. Tired of telling others and myself that I was going to change and actively pursue a passion, I pulled myself out of this puddle of self-pity that I had made and decided to take matters into my own hands. A life changer tip: I also stopped comparing myself to others - it’s a bad habit that just leads to nowhere. Always easier said than done, but very key.

A Changed Minset

The blog was the first step to relieve my stress, but the 100 Day Project was the next. Let me tell you, it has been one gigantic roller coaster since the beginning. Since starting the project, opportunities to meet new and like-minded people multiplied. My changed mindset helped me to just GO and make opportunities happen, rather than wait for them. I had no idea that my decision to participate in the 100 Day Project would propel me into a whole new perspective. All I thought I was going to do was press a button on my camera, edit some photos, and call it a day. The project became much more than that. I got to make new and meaningful connections with other creatives who are passionate about what they do. Through this, I’ve realized I value intentional relationships and conversations above all.

For the first time in a while, I actually believed in myself. I was like, "Oh yeah, day 50? Already? I can totally do this for 50 more days." It was because I loved what I was doing, even if I had to stay up really late after working my full-time job to edit photos. I had a group of old and new friends who supported me. Talking to strangers and new people allowed me to become more confident in myself. My fear of failure would NOT be greater than my potential for growth. That was what I told myself. Stop giving yourself excuses to not believe in yourself. For me, I thought I was terrible at photography because all my photos were blurry. I also still have no knowledge about the technical side of cameras. But that lack of knowledge is not an excuse for me to not go outside, explore, and shoot.

The Creative Outlet (S)

Photography became something more than just the end result. I learned to embrace my mistakes and became more invested in the process. This form of media turned into a creative outlet for me from my everyday life struggles, work, and stress. I got behind the camera and forgot about everyone else except for the subject I was focusing on. Like what I said above, it has provided me with multiple opportunities to meet other individuals who are also trying to improve their craft. For me, it was never about comparing my work to theirs. It was about how I could learn from others and how I could help someone else out, even if it was in some small capacity.

I was in a place filled with unhappiness and I bottled all my emotions up. I was stuck. I let myself stay stuck for so long, I almost didn't get out. Starting this blog and starting various projects wasn't for me to prove to others that I was able to set my mind to something. It was more for myself than anything. My greatest enemy turned out to be myself, not the haters or the people who judge. Proving myself wrong was one of the most difficult challenge I had to overcome. It took a long time and I am still working on it. I am now trying my best to believe in myself the way I believe in others. My life is not dramatically different than before. I have the same job, live in the same apartment, and pretty much have the same routine. But I rewired my brain to think of the possibilities I’m capable of rather than clouding it with negativity. I am filled with infinitely more joy now. I don’t feel as stuck anymore and neither should you. Even if I do feel stuck, my mind goes into a “let’s hustle” mode. Let’s do this together and reach for the things we really want and are capable of aspiring to.